Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Parenthood Lite

Random ways having our dog is training for having children, in no particular order:

1)  Whatever you are doing, there must be room for sitting in your lap and perhaps napping there, no matter how awkward it may be to continue or finish whatever activity you were doing in the first place.

2)  She has socialization therapy (aka "Puppy Playtime) twice a week.  Inevitably, one of those times is Saturday afternoon when everything else happens.  Reorganize your schedule accordingly.

3)  Once she starts co-sleeping, good luck getting her to sleep alone in her own bed.

4)  When she wants to play, she asks nicely with a tap on the leg or a nose-nuzzle to the ankle.  When you ignore her, she resorts to growling, whining, groaning, and the tantrum dance.  If you are staring at the laptop, she will make annoying noises or just smack you in the face.

5)  She is very specific about the toys she wants to play with at any given time, and how the game will be played.  She manages to communicate this fairly well without words.

6)  She never picks up her toys.

7)  She enjoys destroying her toys.

8)  We now handle poop multiple times on a daily basis.

7)  On bad days, we also handle vomit.

8)  You never again leave the house without the appropriate supplies to handle a public poop.

9)  Other parents give you compliments about how beautiful she is, although neither of you had anything to do with it.

10)  Errands and outings are structured as much as possible around nap-time.

11)  There is always a load of stinky puppy pads to be laundered.

12)  "Doggie radar" is running 24/7 in the back of your mind, making it hard to focus like you used to.  When things are very quiet, it is generally a bad sign.

13)  Six times out of ten, you need to take something out of her mouth.

                                   . . . to be continued.

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