Thursday, October 30, 2014


Our 16.5 week ultrasound today promoted "Baby Julian" (aka "Baby #5") to Baby Johanna.  I'm happy; Dave is understandably a little disappointed, but he'll be over it in about two minutes.  It's made it a little bit more real for me.  Up to this point, I haven't had a chance to feel pregnant; I've felt like I have a strange degenerative syndrome.

Nothing appears to be seriously abnormal, so thank goodness for that.  My cervix is behaving itself so far, but they want to see me again in two weeks just to make sure it stays that way.  The progesterone seems to be doing its job effectively.

Oh, and this time I have placenta previa.  If it had to be something, it might as well have been that, because it doesn't change our plans at all.  We were already definitely having a caesarian because of the classical incision they did on me before, so another reason labor could be life-threatening is purely academic.

Here's hoping for the best.  Just once, please.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Thoroughly Disenchanted

I used to imagine I would enjoy pregnancy.  I was going to scrupulously take my vitamins and eat lots of wholesome fruit and veggies.  It was going to be fun and exciting.

Well, I officially hate it.  It has been nothing but miserable and traumatic ALL FIVE TIMES.  I thought the worst was finally over, but we had a spectacular relapse on Tuesday, and I've been vomiting six times daily ever since.  I essentially starved until noon yesterday just to make it stop, and it seems like today will be the same.  I try to take my vitamins, but they tend to make me sick.  Food makes me sick, water makes me sick, being hungry and thirsty makes me sick.  All things being equal, I'd rather vomit on an empty stomach than otherwise, so I just don't eat or drink at all.  Fruit makes me sick.  Vegetables make me sick.  Juice makes me sick.  The smell of my shampoo makes me sick.  Showers make me sick, but not showering also makes me sick.  Brushing my teeth makes me sick.  My own pulse makes me sick.  The only thing that seems to stay down is salty corn puffs, but they give me high blood pressure, which is also undesirable.  There is no winning.

I did not sign up for this.  I was willing to be sliced and diced and stapled back together again.  I was willing to risk miscarriage and uterine rupture.  I was willing to be fussed over and violated by extra tests and shots and whatnot.  I was NOT willing to be desperately sick for three to six months.  The plan was that the Zofran would work and I would be semi-independent and at least able to eat properly.  That failed spectacularly, so now I am essentially a shut-in.  I'm lucky if I get off the couch.  The dog has started giving me long earnest looks, wondering if napping all day and going to bed early is going to be the rest of our lives.  I can barely make my own food, and now even that seems like a wasted effort.  If I am going out, especially to church, I have to starve myself first so that I know any vomit that happens can fit into a paper cup I keep in my purse.  The only thing that can make this situation any worse is the onset of autumn hay fever, which occasionally gives me chronic bloody nose, and always makes vomiting a truly epic experience of sinus pressure.  I'd be chugging liquid Tylenol to cope with the headaches if I thought I could keep it down.

I know other women have it worse than I do, and I've heard of some risking liver and kidney failure just to have children.  More power to them, but I am done.  I hate going to bed at night, and I hate waking up in the morning.  If I could finish this experience in an induced coma, I would.  Once this kid is out, one way or another, I hope to never, ever, ever, EVER experience this misery again.

Pardon me, I feel like I have to go throw up.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Too Stinkin' Cute

This really made my day.  Such adorable little yummy sounds!  :D

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Transitions and Precautions

Twelve and a half weeks now, for real.  Next obgyn appointment is on Monday, and I'm going to have to make a case for a new progesterone prescription.  Had the Little Dave debacle not happened, they would be taking me off the hormones now, but I'm not interested in just waiting around for my cervix to crap out on me again.  I think we have a pretty strong case, but I'm prepared to make a scene if I have to.

In the meantime, I'm completely paranoid about birth defects, so I've made an effort to eliminate as many toxins from the environment as possible.  We use all-natural laundry soap, and we've replaced all fabric softeners and dryer sheets with wool yarn balls.  We can't afford to go completely organic, but anything we can do to better the odds seems worthwhile.  Natural dish soap and dishwasher detergent, organic vitamins, filtered water, toxin-free shampoo and shower soap.  My favorite body bar is Zum Bar goat's milk soap; tried my new tangerine citrus bar and it was like showering with a creamsicle.  No unnecessary medication, though it's been difficult to stay off my antihistamines now that the itchy season is upon us.  Mainstream makeup and nail polish are strictly verboten.  We've gotten rid of all our teflon cookware, and we've never owned a microwave.  I think that covers most bases, or is at least a start.