Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Practical Tips

File this away under things you never knew you needed to know.  In the unlikely event that you are ever the victim of a spell or hex, there is a protocol governing the discovery and disposal of the malefice responsible.  Several hard-working exorcists have developed these guidelines through some painful trail and error, so it's advice worth taking.

First of all, the three most useful substances to have on hand in any hairy situation are exorcized (or at least blessed) water, exorcised olive oil, and exorcised salt.  All three are efficacious in their symbolic ability to cleanse and heal body and soul.  The water is particularly useful in cleansing objects or spaces, the oil in ridding an afflicted individual of impurities or foreign objects which may need to be coughed up, and the salt in protecting places from evil influences (such as in cases of infestation).  Used in faith, these can apparently be remarkably powerful.

In the (unlikely but not impossible) event that you discover a strange object you believe to be the root of a curse, there are a few key things to remember.  These objects can be braided or knotted cords, colored string, figurines, bones, small animals, rocks, wire, or really anything.  What makes them suspicious is that they can appear where you least expect them, like inside your clothes, mattresses, pillows, or food.

  • DO NOT TOUCH these things with your bare hands.  Chronic illness has been known to occur as a result.  
  • The objects must first be sprinkled with holy water, then burned in a well-ventilated space (preferably outdoors), and the ashes disposed of in running water.  You may skip the burning if the object isn't flammable.
  • Not all running water is created equal.  DO NOT attempt to dispose of anything in your plumbing, at least not unless you want to take advantage of your flood insurance.  A storm drain is a better choice.
  • During the whole procedure, it is best that everyone present pray constantly.
Unfortunately, this also applies to that pillow or mattress which might have yielded the object in question.  Your neighbors will think you're crazy, and you might get a public citation, but this is the tried and true method.

Again, read this book. 

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