DIY Dog Furniture

I saw this online and immediately wanted one.  Andy has a standard dog crate big enough for a golden retriever.  It lives under the dining room table and is just an awkward eyesore.  It would be great to have one that doubled as a classy end-table.

This particular one is listed for $105, although the nicer ones can run $200-$400.  Looking back, maybe we should have just bought it, because in the end we only saved about $50 by doing it ourselves.  The original plan was to only spend $20 and seemed like a stroke of brilliance. 

We begin with an old cabinet of unknown provenance that we acquired for $20 at Goodwill six years ago.

Until lately, it had been used to store our DVDs.  Now it will be transformed into Lady Andromache's doggie boudoir.  

First step was to remove the shelf and pull out the support pins with pliers.  Easy.  Next we had to cut windows into the doors.  That was a bit more complicated because the only power tool we own is a drill.  I used it like a woodpecker, and after three days of drilling and chiseling, we had fabulous open spaces.  

A little wood stain and varnish, and it looks great.  Just don't look too closely.

Anyway, we added fencing to the front doors by cutting up the divider that came with Andy's big crate.  We had never used it, and it was about time it justified the space it was taking up in the closet.  I attached it be means of screws and big washers for lack of any better ideas.  Then I pried the rotten cardboard off the back.

I was still undecided about how to finish the back when we went to Home Depot this morning.  The original plan was to use a panel from the portable dog fence on the patio, but that proved impractical.  After wandering around for a while, we found a pet grille meant for a screen door.  At $35, that was what pushed us over budget, but it worked out perfectly after trimming it down to size.

Scored some 3" high density foam for the bottom today at the craft store.  That stuff is usually $50/yard, but we only needed 13" AND we brought our 50% off coupon.  So, $9.

I covered the foam with part of Andy's old fleece blanket and secured it with safety pins underneath because I didn't have the patience to sew it into a zipper cover.  Took out the door magnets.  The front was retrofitted with a hook latch between the handles, and it was finished.

Andy hasn't seen it yet.  I hope she likes it when she gets home from doggie daycare.  Johanna was intrigued by the whole process.

Mooch Busted

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this dog shaming.  The culprit was determined to be a one-year-old toy poodle with an entitlement complex.  She was sentenced to public shame and ridicule, but immediately forgot the incident.

No Love For the Blog

Poor blog, dying the slow death.  Let's see if we can resuscitate it.   I don't even remember what was happening when the posts dried up.  Let's see . . .

Oh, yes.  Personal make-overs, projects, and fan art.  Now for some quick updates.

(1)    The personal makeover is still in effect, though I've gone through several different tattoo designs by now and ended up hating them all.  Nothing is really wrong with them, but I can't decide where I would put them.  So now the focus is just working out and losing twenty pounds.  Seems feasible.  Unfortunately we weren't able to move to the better apartment with gym facilities, so getting to the gym on base requires setting aside at least a three-hour chunk of time, which the little poodle doesn't appreciate.  It basically burns all the crate time for the day, making errand-running hard to schedule.  After about a month of putting in these gym trips, I lost five pounds, but gained four back over the Easter weekend.  This resulted in a personal ban on milk chocolate.  Currently down two pounds of the four, for a total of three pounds lost.

(2)    Projects!  There are too many of them.  I find myself trying to prepare jewelry and stockings for both private commissions and craft shows, as well as using up lots of hoarded papercrafting supplies for personal projects and special requests.  At some point, I also decided to experiment with a hideous old piece of furniture my family knows as "the Elliot table."  Rather than chucking it in the dumpster, I decided to sand it down and see if I liked it any better naked.  I had no idea how long it would take to sand down a little side table and how many freaking sanding blocks I would burn through.  Fortunately I found said sanding blocks for $0.49/each at the salvage store.  Now I'm that crazy person who spends hours on the patio making horrible scraping sounds.

(3)    Took a time-out day yesterday to unwind and write fanfiction.  I have several stories running, two in various stages of publication, but I actually managed to churn out a whole page of new text for the one my husband is collaborating on.  First chapters are always hardest for me.  I'd rather get on to the good stuff.

(4)    Health updates.  After lots of drama and phone tag and scheduling snafus, I managed to get in for a hysterosonogram ordered by my OBGYN.  They didn't find anything incredibly interesting, but saw enough to determine that I do not in fact have a true bicornuate uterus, but only a partial septate uterus.  The plan now is to burn (or scrape?) the septum out in the hopes that it plus a progesterone treatment will increase the odds of a successful pregnancy.  I don't really have a lot of hope for it, but I'm willing to give it a try.  Frankly, they could destroy my uterus, and I would probably thank them.  The only thing that gives me the jeebies is their plan to put a camera through my bellybutton.  Yikes.

(5)    Doggie updates.  Andy continues to be nervous and anti-social around other dogs, but we keep taking her to Puppy Playtime at PetCo twice a week, hoping for a different result.  If the trainers just let me into the enclosure with her, we seem to see some results.  Despite being only nine pounds, she has no time for little dogs, but has perked up for a Great Dane and a Rottweiler named Valkyrie.

(6)     Debt report.  Ever since we committed to a puppy (who is now one year old and a Big Doggie at heart), overpaying the debt has been almost impossible.  The financial drain was quick and incredible.  However, after six months of minimum payments, I think we've made at least the beginning of a healthy recovery, especially since the little princess doesn't have vet appointments every two weeks.  We may even start overpaying again, except that now the older car is having a diva day for it's 60,000 mile check-up, and we expect at least a $1,300 bill.  Maybe next month.  Here's where we stand now.

This represents 61% paid, which is based on the number we started with when I started making all these silly pie charts.  However, if I use the original total of this loan, not taking into account the paid-off car loan, it looks more like this.

81% paid.  Booyah.

(7)    Work report.  Dave re-enlisted and, as of this morning, passed his weigh-in!  Yay!  Next time around it won't be quite so stressful, because one of his previous failures (one of which was not official and should not have even counted against him) will no longer be relevant, and his entire career won't be on the line.  However, since this is the year of personal make-overs, next year won't be a problem at all.

(8)    Also, I have a bra that fits!!!  It has been a personal revelation.  I've never paid $75 for a bra before, but Nordstrom is the only place I can find the appropriate range of sizes for purposes of trying on.  I had been attempting to fit into a standard 36 or 38 C, D, or DD for YEARS.  It was a daily battle of strap-slippage, cup-spilliage, and awkward manual adjustments, finally resulting in a personal routine of wearing a sports bra over the underwire one just to provide some staying power.  I now have a 34F (in British sizing) and it is FABULOUS!  Now I want to evangelize everyone.

Everyday Dog Training

I used to think I was a decent dog trainer.  Now that my sister knows how to do it professionally, I realize I am actually pretty lousy at it.  Most of that is just laziness, or not being able to see around the seeming pointlessness of some of the standard tricks.  What really is the point of teaching a dog to roll over?  Is this a precaution against her ever catching fire?

Fortunately, we have a smart dog who catches on quickly.  We've had the best success in "everyday training," which is basically about learning to communicate.  She's picked up several vocabulary words in the short three months we've been working with her.

Basic tricks down cold, by voice or hand command:

• sit
• down
• stand
• "sit pretty" (like a circus dog)

What more do you really need?  Maybe "come" and "stay."  Both of those are still a little tenuous, but the foundation is there.

Extra words, phrases, and general communication:

• get in your crate (works best at bedtime)
• breakfast
• hungry
• food (a favorite)
• eggs
• eggs for food (the best of all worlds)
• squirrel (actually looks where I'm pointing now)
• in the chair (when her toy "disappears")
• outside
• inside
• c'mon (she's a slow walker on leash)
• baby (referring to her)
• good girl

It's always exciting to see that glimmer of understanding when we talk to the little critter.  It makes me wonder if she draws any other conclusions about her world.  She knows what happens when she goes outside; does she assume that's what we're doing when we leave her here?  The jingly keys mean going outside.  When we leave with the jingly keys, does she imagine we're going for a car ride or taking a stroll around the neighborhood without her?  I guess we'll never know.  

This Month's Magic Number Is . . .

200.  It's been turning up a lot in this first week.

• $200 for student loan
• $200 for credit card #1
• $200 for credit card #2
• -$200 in pay while the government is "shut down"

and finally, the surprise of the morning .  .  .

• $200+ in emergency veterinary care for vomiting and bloody diarrhea. 

Really, puppy?  Credit card #2 was just a fraction of the payoff for her spay, and now it's right back up there where we started.  Stop being sick!  :(

Fortunately for her, I was just reflecting yesterday on how much I like our dog and how great it is to have her around.  The expense is worth it in the end, but seriously, that's enough for now.  

With any luck, I can finish a few commissions soon which should be worth about $200.  Should be able to get a lot of work done while the doggie is sick/napping in her quarantine pen.

Pampered Pooch

Andy went in to be spayed this morning.  She seems to be getting the best treatment there is, but I'm starting to wish we'd gone to some back alley shelter for this procedure.

"Little Bundles" special rate: $300

Modern laser surgery: $200

Post-surgical accessories: $50

Last minute removal of entrenched baby teeth: $200

The little princess' $700+ bill right on the heels of family vacation and the purchase of a huge new computer is finally testing the limits of our checking account.  Oh, yeah, and the energy bill for that last hot month was another $200.  Then there's the internet bill.  And phones.  And rent.

Yeah, we're broke.  For the first time, the credit cards will have to carry over into next month.

Tech-Savvy Dog

We have doggie gates in place in our apartment to keep Andromache contained in the main living space while she's out and about.  Our bedroom is off limits because it usually isn't clean enough to be puppy-safe.  Despite being a very quiet dog, Andy does NOT appreciate us leaving her alone while we disappear into the bedroom or bathroom, and inevitably treats us to a (largely ineffective) chorus of whines, moans and groans until we come back.

Today we took a few minutes to change out of our church clothes and just talk on the bed.  Despite being vocal, Andy is generally much too busy pining at the gate to get into much trouble, so we ignored her.

We might have stayed in the bedroom longer, but my phone started ringing and vibrating on the dresser.  Dave checked it, and was baffled to see that he was calling me.  We returned to the living room to find the dog standing over Dave's phone and wagging her tail, delighted we had received her call.

They told me poodles were smart, but this is ridiculous.

She would not oblige me by playing with the laundry detergent bottle like she had been before, but she's still cute.

I Am Puppy - Hear Me Roar

So, apparently it's just a toy poodle thing, and Andromache isn't the only one who sounds like a baby cougar with a smoking habit.  She isn't toy possessive at all, so it's hard to capture her doing it.  Usually it only happens when she's super excited or hears her food bowl being filled.  But she sounds just like this. :)

Achilles

Meet Achilles, Andromache's new all-natural cotton dog toy.  He squeaks.

So far, she really likes chewing on him.

Crazy eyes!

The Curse of Cute

I think we should have gotten an ugly dog.  You know those stuffy modern neighborhoods where the kids don't ever play outside?  This isn't one of them.  And they've all figured out where we live.

Being only three pounds, Andy's not a huge fan of strangers, let alone loud excitable ones.  But every time we take her out to poop there's a chorus of screams and a swarm of bicycles comes over the hill.  

"Can we pet your dog?!"  "Does he bite?!"  "What's his name?!"  "Is he boy or girl?!"  "HE LICKED ME!!!!!!!!"  "Put him down!"  "Can I walk him?!"  "Can I hold him?!"  "What kind of dog is that?!"  "Can he run fast?!"  "Will he run away?!"  "OOO, I SAW HIS TEETH!!!"

By this point, she has usually jumped into my arms, climbed onto my shoulder, and seems to be contemplating a flying leap in the other direction.  Pooping has been entirely forgotten.  Eventually we escape into the apartment, and she poops on the floor.

Now they've actually started following us home, inviting themselves inside, and peering through the sliding glass when the other door is locked.

"Hey, I know where you live!"  "I see her cage!"  "Is that where she sleeps?"  "Is she shy?"  "Will she bite?"

I think I'm going to start saying she does bite.  We've started checking through the blinds before going out to do her business.   Her new favorite position for walks is hanging around my neck like some kind of Cruella de Vil fashion accessory, keeping an eye out in all directions.  Maybe we'll just get a litter box.

Andy

After years of fawning over small furry animals to an almost unhealthy degree, and ignoring all sound fiscal reason, we have finally taken the plunge and acquired a puppy.

Meet Lady Dulcinea Andromache.  We call her Andy, by my sister's recommendation.  She's a three-month-old purebred miniature poodle, but will probably only reach toy size.  She's a money pit already, but she's exactly what we wanted - an intelligent, hypoallergenic, non-shedding portable dog.  It's hard to find a rescue when we're that particular.

We've had her since Saturday afternoon, and since then we've made considerable progress in house-breaking, crate training, and leash walking.  We finally got some treats today, and within a few minutes she had grasped the basic concept of "sit."  She literally never barks.  She sleeps during car rides.  Did I mention she was non-shedding?  Grooming will be an issue, though, as she has a real problem with standing still.  All in all, she seems like she definitely has the potential to become the clean, mannerly, unobjectionable canine companion we had in mind.  How can you object to a dog who doesn't bark, jump, shed, smell, or soil the carpet?  Well, we're still working on the carpet part.  But three accidents in as many days isn't bad for a baby like her.

She's a keeper.

Reverse Engineering the Dog

My sister came to visit this weekend, and she brought her dog, Zoey ("Zozo").  We've been trying to parse out her lineage ever since she was adopted.  We always knew she had some Beagle traits, and through a chance discovery of the Australian Kelpie dog on Pinterest we finally think we've discovered the right equation.

Zozo!

Whatever the breed, she's the sweetest, most well-mannered dog I've ever met.   There's apparently supposed to be some dingo in the Kelpie dogs, but you'd never know it.  I only hope we can be so lucky when we finally go dog shopping.

Draconian Doggie Rescue

This is Charlie, an adorable Dachshund/Chihuahua mix available for adoption.  He probably would have had his "forever home" by now if the All American Dachshund Rescue had actually been willing to give him up.

I remember adopting a dog when I was a kid.  We drove to the SPCA, found a puppy we liked, signed some adoption papers, and drove home with a new family pet.  There were no home visits, no pet-matching counseling, no contracts demanding that we surrender the sovereignty of our own home.  

I read the contract during a moment of temporary recklessness when we were determined to adopt Charlie, or even Sable.  But it didn't seem like AADR had any intention to entirely trust ANYone with their precious pups.

Not only will they insist on a home visit before the adoption is approved, but AADR demands the right to visit our home at random intervals throughout the life of the dog.  If AADR isn't convinced we're pampering the little darling according to their specifications, they reserve the right to permanently confiscate the dog at any time.  All serious illnesses or accidents must be reported to AADR.  We will not be permitted to part with the dog to anyone but AADR.  In the case of terminal illness or catastrophic injury, we would need written permission from AADR to euthanize the dog.  

It sounds like it would be more like an extended lease than an adoption.  Honestly, when I adopt a dog, I would like to think I could own it free and clear and have a final say about its welfare.  I certainly don't want AADR breathing down my neck for the next decade.  It's just a dog, for heaven's sake.  

We gave up on Charlie and Sable and started looking for local rescues from other agencies, hoping they would be less draconian.  Unfortunately it seemed like a trend.

We found Sneakers, a perky little Dachshund/Spaniel mix.  But Tara's House Animal Rescue Inc. seemed to have the same hang-ups.   They also require proof of enrollment in an obedience class and an immediate vet's appointment.  

The last serious candidate was Andy, A Dachshund/Pug mix, from Mutts Need Love Too Dog Rescue.  Actually, they were pretty reasonable about the adoption process.  They do the initial home visits, but then don't seem inclined to make trouble.  What volunteer agency really has the time and manpower to do all that follow-up, anyway?  They do require a lengthy and detailed application analyzing all the details of our prospective lives as dog owners, and three unrelated references, complete with phone numbers and home addresses.  

Unfortunately for Andy, by the time we found him the impulse had worn off and the nagging voice of better judgment prevailed over making the financial commitment to a four-legged friend at this particular time, regardless of how much we would like to have him around.  The pet-rent alone would be $1000/year.  Still, that's probably cheaper than a therapist . . .

Dogs and Moths

The move had finally been arranged, meaning we've actually spent money on it and set a pickup date. We're not really sure what the delivery date will be, since the movers gave us a ten day window. The bank will suffer a rather severe bloodletting on Friday when we settle the balance, but fortunately that is also payday, so recovery should be relatively swift.

So far it seems like we have a pretty good deal, but I'll believe it when I see it. There were still a few hiccups along the way, things I wouldn't have even thought about. So many difficulties arise out of not being physically present with the items we're attempting to move. After the contract was signed and the deposit was paid, we were sent an extensive form regarding the Gypsy Moth Inspection we were supposed to conduct before shipping our goods across the sacrosanct California state line. We were informed that if we did not complete the form - in duplicate - with an itemized list of what we were shipping and the appropriate signatures certifying that we have inspected all our worldly possessions and destroyed all the gypsy moths, the Department of Agriculture would quarantine our things at the border. I didn't see any moths eight months ago when I last saw my things, but I don't think that would satisfy the angry farmers. Besides, we don't have anything as extravagant as a printer yet, the neighbors' printer didn't work, and the computers David has access to at work are all property of the US government and don't allow anyone to open attachments. Apparently there's a computer lab at the library here on base, but I've looked for it several times and I'm convinced it doesn't still exist. Fortunately, when I finally got the movers on the phone again, they said it actually wasn't a big deal and nobody really cared who filled out the paperwork, so I just sent the whole email to the in-laws. Movers are supposed to call me on Friday to tell us when the truck will be coming on Saturday.

By this point, I feel like we're trying to ransom our stuff back, just waiting for the next phone call, the next set of instructions, the next pay out.

"IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR HOUSEHOLD GOODS AGAIN, PAY $1,295 BY CHECK OR CREDIT CARD, AND SUBMIT TEN PAGES OF CERTIFIED PROOF OF THE DEMISE OF ALL GYPSY MOTHS . . ."

All this happened while we were babysitting our neighbors' dogs, the rat terrier and the dachshund. Just to make matters more interesting, that afternoon we discovered a quivering mass of helplessness hiding under the car; another dachshund, chocolate brown, lost and alone in the world. So, for the moment we have a dog, and her name is Tootsie. She had no collar, no tags, and every indication of having been dumped. Apparently she has expensive tastes, and won't touch dry dog food. After being with us for a few days she's finally started to act normal again, and despite her undeniable cuteness she's off to the shelter tomorrow.

Allergies

We suspect David might not be allergic to dogs after all. He never had a problem the whole week we watched the dogs at the neighbors' house. Maybe it's just cats that are to blame. We've considered getting a dog, mostly because it would be some consolation in an empty house and every military family out here seems to have at least one, but the mere thought of vet bills outweigh the cute and cuddly factor. Maybe in another ten years . . .